live in the present moment.

"I try to live in the present moment, to accept reality as it is - the reality of my body and spirit, the reality of my community, the reality of creation and of our world. Today, it is sunny and cold; yesterday, it was raining and cold. Accept each day, each moment as it comes - the different seasons..."

-- Jean Vanier, Founder of L'Arche

soon it's gonna' rain.

and actually it's already begun. i think it rains here more than it stays dry. in all four seasons.

today is especially dreary. it needs the right accompaniment to fully hone in to this kind of weather.

today is the kind of day where i would normally put on one of my barbra streisand records and let it be my soundtrack for the afternoon.

so, since i don't have my vinyl right now, youtube will have to do.

here is barbra singing, soon it's gonna' rain from the fantastiks.


and here are the lyrics:

Hear how the wind begins to whisper
See how the leaves go streaming by
Smell how the velvet rain is falling
Out where the fields are warm and dry
Now is the time to run inside and stay
Now is the time to find a hideaway
Where we can play
Soon it's gonna rain, I can see it
Soon it's gonna rain, I can tell
Soon it's gonna rain, what are we gonna do?
Soon it's gonna rain, I can feel it
Soon it's gonna rain, I can tell
Soon it's gonna rain, what will we do with you?
We'll find four limbs of a tree
We'll build four walls and a floor
We'll bind it over with leaves
Then duck inside and play
Then we'll let it rain, we'll not feel it
Then we'll let it rain, rain pell mall
And we'll not complain if it never stops at all
We'll live and love within our castle
Hear how the wind begins to whisper
Feel how the rain is falling now

apple-cinnamon bread pudding.

i've been buying a bag of apples each week (for only 2 francs!) from my neighbors, just around the corner, and am now finding new ways to bake with these fresh-from-the-trees green apples. they're delightfully crisp and perfectly sour. but baking with them is a treat too.

similar to the system with the pumpkin & squash stand, this apple & flower stand isn't manned (or womanned, for that matter) by anyone. instead, there's just a little jar to put your coins in and the honor system really works. ya' pay for what ya' pick out. it's a beautiful thing.

so, here's another in-season dessert recipe for you... happy green apple time.

Apple-Cinnamon Bread Pudding

Ingredients:

• 4 cups soft cinnamon bread, torn into small pieces
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 large Granny Smith apple, peeled, cored, very thinly sliced
• 1/4 cup raisins or chopped dried cranberries (optional)
• 2 cups milk (try vanilla soy milk with it!)
  
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 3 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla

Preparation:

Butter an 11x7-inch baking dish. Heat oven to 350°F.

In a large bowl, combine bread, cinnamon, and apple slices, and raisins or chopped dried cranberries, if using; toss to mix.

In a medium saucepan, combine milk, brown sugar, and butter; heat over medium heat until hot and butter is melted.

In a medium bowl, whisk eggs with vanilla. Quickly whisk in the hot milk mixture then pour the mixture over the bread. Stir to mix well.

Pour bread mixture into the prepared baking dish. Set a jelly roll pan or large shallow baking dish in the oven. Set the bread pudding pan inside the larger pan. Add very hot water to the outer pan to a depth of about 1/2-inch. Bake for 40 to 50 minutes, or until a knife inserted near center comes out clean.

all saints day.

remembering those who have gone before.
a great cloud of witnesses.

Grant us during our pilgrimage to abide in their fellowship,
and to become partakers of their joy.

squash it good.

the third recipe from the same butternut squash was also prepared last night. turned out great. autumn baking with grace in europa gets two thumbs up.

SQUASH SPICE BREAD
Serves 8

Ingredients:

• 1 medium buttnerut squash, halved and seeded (1 1/2 lb.)
  
• 1 Tbs. maple syrup
• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup plus 2 tbsp. chopped walnuts, divided (optional)
  
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• 1 tsp. baking soda
• 1 tsp. ground cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp. ground allspice
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 2 eggs
• 1/4 cup canola oil
• 1/3 cup plain (unsweetened) soymilk
• 1 tbsp. vanilla extract

Preparation:

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat baking sheet with cooking spray. Place squash halves cut-side down on baking sheet. Bake 40 to 45 minutes, or until soft. Cool. Scoop flesh from skin, mash with maple syrup, and set aside.
2. Coat 8- x 4 1/2-inch loaf pan with cooking spray. Combine flour, sugar, walnuts, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, allspice, and salt in large bowl. Lightly beat eggs in separate bowl. Whisk in oil, soymilk, and vanilla until smooth. Fold squash into liquid ingredients with spatula. Stir squash liquid mixture into flour mixture.
3. Pour batter into prepared pan, and sprinkle with remaining 2 Tbs. walnuts. Bake 60 minutes, or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 20 minutes on wire rack, then unmold and cool completely.

still squashin'.

tonight grace and i made our second meal, from the same butternut squash, mentioned in the previous vegetarian cuisine post.

CURRY SQUASH SOUP

Ingredients:

• 2 tbsp. canola or olive oil
  
• 1 onion, diced
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 4 carrots, sliced
• 3 stalks celery, diced
• 2 small or one large butternut squash, peeled and chopped
• 5 cups vegetable broth
• 1/2 cup soy milk
• 2 tsp. curry powder
  
• 1 tsp. paprika powder
• 1 cup rice (totally optional)
  

Preparation:

In a large soup pot, sautee the onion and garlic in the oil until onions turn soft, about 3 to 5 minutes.

Add the carrots and celery and cook for another 3 to 5 miutes.

Add the squash and stir just to coat, then add the vegetable broth, curry, and paprika. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to a slow simmer. Allow to cook for at least 25 minutes, or until squash is soft.

Cook rice separately. Once it is ready, add to soup.

Stir in the soy milk and season to taste.

squash season.

grace is visiting (yay!) and we wanted to cook seasonally, so last night we sawed into the butternut squash that has been adorning my kitchen table for weeks now. i picked it out from the squash stand on the side of the road to get me in the fall mood last month. it's a hefty squash and it'll make many a dish, but we started with this one:

BUTTERNUT SQUASH RISOTTO WITH PESTO
Serves 6; 30 minutes or fewer to prepare

Ingredients:

• 3 cups low-sodium vegetable broth
  
• 1/4 cup prepared pesto, divided
• 1 cup chopped fresh onion
• 1 1/2 cups rice for risotto
• 3 cups cubed butternut squash
  

Preparation:

1. Bring broth and 2 cups water to a boil in large saucepan; turn off heat.
2. Heat 1 Tbs. pesto in saucepan over medium heat. Add onion, and sauté 5 minutes. Stir in rice, followed by 1/2 cup hot broth. When rice has absorbed broth, add another 1/2 cup. Continue adding broth in this manner 5 minutes.
3. Stir in squash. Resume adding broth, 1/2 cup at a time until rice has absorbed all liquid. (This should take about 15 minutes.) Remove from heat, and stir in 1 Tbs. pesto. Spoon risotto into 6 bowls and top each with 1 tsp. pesto.

Tip: Add fresh garlic to the onions. Top finished dish with grated parmesan cheese and halved cherry tomatoes.

la posada.

While skyping it up with my sister last night, she reminded me of the beauty of La Posada ('The Inn'). Please read this short article.

As we begin to look towards the approaching Christian New Year, which begins with the season of Advent, may we also remember this annual gathering of brothers and sisters. May we too be sowers of peace... even, or maybe especially, in the face of messages that don't speak of love. And may we love there too... where it is perhaps most difficult to love.

amen and amen.

love of an orchestra.

this song is making me particularly happy today.
it's new from 'noah and the whale'.
check it, yo.

i especially like these lines:

i know i'll never be lonely
i've got songs in my blood
i'm carrying all the love of an orchestra
gimme the love of an orchestra...

although, i must say, i find it difficult to understand why they're releasing a new album titled 'the first days of spring' right as the thrust of autumn is taking shape. it messes with my season mo-jo.

pale september.

my oh my.

how on earth is it september already?
to where has the time gone?

i'm a bit sad to see summer and sun and heat being ushered away.

"the embers of the summer lost their breath and disappeared..."
-- pale september, fiona apple

but anyone who knows me, knows i relish in the changing of seasons.
and i especially love the start of autumn.
it is nearing. i feel its presence.
like fiona, apple that is, i'm excited about a pale september.
i'm eager to discover what lessons and new growth will come.

afterall, there's still growth in the fall;
it just looks different than the spring and summer.
time is ordered differently in the autumn months.
and i'm so ready for new rhythms to take root in my life.

pale september, i wore the time like a dress that year
the autumn days swung soft around me, like cotton on my skin...
-- pale september, fiona apple

mmm-hmmm.
it's prose like these that get me extra excited about this time of year.
.happy to enter into a new season.

spring's wonder.

Before summer begins officially (that is, the northern hemisphere summer solstice), I must give thanks for the gift that spring was this year.

Thank You,
Giver of All Life
who alone
brings new
seasons
to pass.

I remember when I returned to the Büs in mid-April, after having spent the end of Holy Week and beginning of Easter in Spain, Portugal, and France, it was like I was returning to another world. Spring had exploded. There was no other word to describe the color and blooms and blossoms that greeted me from every corner of the earth. Lent had ended. Spring had come. Easter was here. Glory be.

It felt like this:

Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.
-- Rainer Maria Rilke

mmmm. hmmmmmm.
most recklessly.

Who better to quote from than Rilke? I have fallen more deeply in love with him the past few months.; Living in Europa makes his words come to life all the more. Standing in places that inspired him are sacred. I get to journey with him here. I keep hearing about more and more people who studied Deutsch just so that they could read/translate Rilke. That's what he does to people.

I like this too.
a lot.

Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems.
-- Rainer Maria Rilke

thanks be.

tomaten.

Ode To Tomatoes
by Pablo Neruda

The street
filled with tomatoes,
midday,
summer,
light is
halved
like
a
tomato,
its juice
runs
through the streets.
In December,
unabated,
the tomato
invades
the kitchen,
it enters at lunchtime,
takes
its ease
on countertops,
among glasses,
butter dishes,
blue saltcellars.
It sheds
its own light,
benign majesty.
Unfortunately, we must
murder it:
the knife
sinks
into living flesh,
red
viscera
a cool
sun,
profound,
inexhaustible,
populates the salads
of Chile,
happily, it is wed
to the clear onion,
and to celebrate the union
we
pour
oil,
essential
child of the olive,
onto its halved hemispheres,
pepper
adds
its fragrance,
salt, its magnetism;
it is the wedding
of the day,
parsley
hoists
its flag,
potatoes
bubble vigorously,
the aroma
of the roast
knocks
at the door,
it's time!
come on!
and, on
the table, at the midpoint
of summer,
the tomato,
star of earth, recurrent
and fertile
star,
displays
its convolutions,
its canals,
its remarkable amplitude
and abundance,
no pit,
no husk,
no leaves or thorns,
the tomato offers
its gift
of fiery color
and cool completeness.

a good day.

Afternoon on a Hill
by Edna St. Vincent Millay

I will be the gladdest thing
Under the sun!
I will touch a hundred flowers
And not pick one.

I will look at cliffs and clouds
With quiet eyes,
Watch the wind bow down the grass,
And the grass rise.

And when lights begin to show
Up from the town,
I will mark which must be mine,
And then start down!

lent is upon us...

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday... Morgen ist Aschermittwoch.

First, I gotta' say, I had the best of intentions to collect thoughts/prayers/questions that would follow the journey through the Church calendar this year, beginning of course with Advent, but that didn't happen for one reason or another.

So now Lent is upon us, and really, this is still a fitting time to begin sharing the journey. A new season. Lent means "spring". And there are a few small signs -- little reminders of spring's inevitable return -- popping up around this new place that I'm calling "home" for the next six months. Little yellow buds are curiously poking their heads through the patch of soil that I pass each day on my walk to and from work -- and when I walk by, I just smile to myself. Literally. I can't help but smile when I see the new growth each day. It's like this little secret I share with the earth... something to treasure when the signs of winter are much more obvious than those of spring. Even when the snow comes, and it does grace us a few days each week, those little buds (pun intended) keep at it.

And Lent, too, is about growth.
A commitment to growth, even? Yes, I suppose so.

So let us journey together... and grow into spring.

Please share your thoughts on here too... let's make it a true dialogue for the next 40 days.

vienna waits for you

Last night, while I was driving, Billy Joel's song "Vienna" came up in the shuffled selections from my ipod, and it was just what I needed to hear.  In an interview, I heard him explain why he wrote this song and why Vienna was a metaphor for the way he wanted to approach life... as well as the realization that he didn't want his life to just slip by...  I feel ya' Billy.  I feel ya' big time.

I have so many dreams, so many ambitions, but even with those, I'm asking, "Where do I go from here...?"  These three weeks in San Diego have been such a gift -- space for both reflecting and asking hard questions while processing with people that I love and respect so much.  And while the world suddenly seems so open to me now that everything in Riverside has dissolved, I still am mourning all that has transpired in the past few months.

Mostly, even while I am in a season of grieving and introspection, I want to live fully in the moment -- again, to embrace what is present... to not let life pass me by.  And while I have months suddenly at my disposal, I want to take advantage of them... to travel, to explore, to try something new, to be shaped by something unfamiliar -- to have another adventure.  And as much as it is hurting to be leaving not only San Diego now, but the state of California altogether (that is just crazy), I think I am walking forward, making the best decision in the midst of crazy and unexpected circumstances, and taking advantage of some time to be immersed in the blanket of a Colorado winter.

A friend recently told me, "The world is your oyster right now."  And, I like that, a lot.  I think that same sentiment can be found in these lyrics from the piano man.  And, since I am exploring the possibility of serving as an Au Pair in Europe, who knows, maybe Vienna really is waiting for me?  : )  (Austria is one of countries that I've been seriously considering.)  As, I listened to this song last night, after saying goodbye to such treasured friends, not knowing when or where we'll see each other again (this is killing me!), I was comforted to know that: life is still there to be seized - in every season, in every place, and that, my friend, is the kind of person I want to be.  "When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?"

Oddly enough, this song confirmed that I made the right decision to be in Colorado for the month of December, as well as again confirming that I made the right decision to be in San Diego during this month.  Today, it's still so difficult to be leaving San Diego, a city that is full of so many people and places that I absolutely love... that have become home to me for the past five years... but Billy's helping me get through today.  Sing us a song.

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right (you're right)

You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you.

And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

leaves that are green turn to brown

I was twenty-one years when I wrote this song.
Im twenty-two now, but I won't be for long
And time hurries on.
And the leaves that are green turn to brown,
And they wither with the wind,
And they crumble in your hand....

..Hello, hello, hello, hello

Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye, good-bye,

That's all there is.
And the leaves that are green turned to brown...

We'll, I've said goodbye to Riverside.  Cra-zy.  I never would have guessed that things would actually pan out this way.  What a loss.

I do feel like I have made the right decision, but it doesn't make it any easier to walk away at this point.  This Simon and Garfunkel tune (click above & play it while you read) has struck a chord with me the past few autumns, and this year is no exception.  The leaves that are green turn to brown...

There is much that I am saying goodbye to at the moment: new-formed relationships, a neighborhood that was becoming home, a gathered people, a dream for that gathered people, a city, and a dream for that very city -- opportunity that seemed endless.  Now...?  Now, what?  Goodbyes are simply hard - so painful to walk through and so difficult to stomach.  

I know there will be new things to say hello to... but at the moment, I am only filled with goodbyes.

and where is autumn?

For those who have followed my blog entries throughout the month of October, you've probably just scratched your head in dismay after reading each post -- not really knowing what I was referring to when I felt like I was "not really sure of much these days", (in: not quite winter... not quite fall) or exactly what dream had died (in: a dream deferred?), and finally what current season had caused my prayer life to suddenly "embrace the mystery" (in: i don't know what's gonna happen... that's alright with me). After re-reading these posts, the poetry and lyrics that my mind was drawn to still remain very relevant, very needed with all that I am processing.... because the wound is still quite fresh right now. Healing will come, I know it will, but like all things, it will take time.

Uncertainty is still the most apropos word to describe the season at hand. And even though this is a difficult season, I would even be willing to call it a dark season, I still want to glean all of the lessons and truths that are being spoken to me through the world around me -- lessons spoken through people, through nature, through the change of seasons. Oh, how I am longing to be in a place and climate that would match the state of my soul right now...

Burnt-orange leaves, mixed with mustard-yellow, and dotted with cranberry-red are bursting forth from my soul, but there is no audible crunching underfoot to match the colors that are invading my mind. Where is autumn? Where is it? Undeniably, there is autumn in my soul, in my very being, but I wish I could see the colors, hear the sounds, feel the change in temperature, and smell the fall. Yes, smell it. I miss that smell so much. There is something so distinct about fall. It is terribly romantic, and yet it is also terribly jarring. Fall ushers in so quietly, with such subtlety. But once you realize that the leaves have changed, that many of them have already turned to brown and you totally missed that they were actually gold after their summer green, there is a startling realization that awaits you.

Fall is so utterly glorious; it truly is. But, in truth, what is really hiding behind all of the brilliant hues is the ugly secret that no one wants to admit: something is dying; something has died. Even now, death is lurking. Dreams have died.

I still want to learn what I don't yet know. I am asking hard questions; I know the questions do matter. They absolutely do. I am stepping back and asking myself whether I really, do I really, want to serve as a pastor, to "be in ministry"? Do I? I don't know right now. And, I'm okay with not knowing for the time being. I'll have the next few months to ask these questions and more.

In this new season of uncertainty, I'm going to allow myself both time and space to process all that has gone down in the past three months. I know that I have been pretty vague in my posts, and that is intentional. Let me just borrow a line from Sara Groves yet again:

...how so much can go wrong

and yet still there are songs...

i don't know what's gonna happen... that's alright with me

So many times the music, the words, and just the sheer brilliance that is Ms. India.Arie speaks.  Speaks to me.  Speaks to the struggle at hand.  Speaks to my desire, my hope, my prayer.  On each of her albums, there are certain tracks that have become my continual prayer through different seasons.  Here it is right now... for today.

Just For Today (Embrace the Mystery)

by India.Arie

from Testimonty: Vol 1, Life & Relationship

Just for today
I will not worry what tomorrow will bring, no
I’m gonna try something new and walk through this day
Like I’ve got nothing to prove, yeah
Although I have the best intentions
I can't predict anyone's reactions
So I’ll just do my best
I'll put one foot in front of the other
Keep on moving forward
And let God do the rest

I don’t know what’s gonna happen
That’s alright with me
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery
I don’t know what’s gonna happen
That’s alright with me
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery

Just for today 
I’m telling the truth like it's going out of style
I'm gonna swallow my pride and be who I am
And I don’t care who don’t like it, yeah
I feel the fear but I do it anyway
I won't let it stand in the way
I know what I must do
There’s no guarantee that it’ll be easy
But I know that it’ll be fulfilling
And it's time for me to show improve

It’s okay not to know
Exploration is how we grow
It’s okay to not have the answer
'Cause sometimes
It’s the question that matters

I don’t know what’s gonna happen
That’s alright with me
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery
I don’t know what’s gonna happen
That’s alright with me
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery

not quite winter... not quite fall.

Yes, I'm back.  I don't bring much (mostly some ramblings), but nonetheless, I felt compelled to write tonight.

To be perfectly honest, after a couple of months in Riverside, I'm really not sure of much these days....

Of course there have been a whole lot of lessons and a whole lot of character building that has taken place since my last entry on here (the one about my love of eggplant --> update: I am proud to say I have discovered two new breeds of this most beloved vegetable at both of the farmer's markets in Riverside: Japanese Eggplant and Indian Eggplant - delightful!  AND, I'm happy to note that the drop in temperature finally allowed me to don that eggplant-colored scarf that I mentioned before.) The fact of the matter is that I am always learning something, but I haven't quite figured out how to articulate the lessons that have come in the past two months.  There have been plenty of times where I thought, "Hmmm... perhaps I should write about this new insight in that blessed blog of mine..." But then that new insight was met with a new question... And, like I said, I'm just not sure of much these days.

During the Presidential debate tonight, the final question that was posed to the candidates asked, "What don't you know, and how will you learn it?"  Hmmmm.  

I'm just gonna' let that one sit with me for awhile - I'm not going to even attempt to answer it.  Because there's not much that I am sure of right now except the honest truth that I don't know.  In the same breath, I really want to believe that I am truly open to learning it... open to learning what I don't know.

Thankfully, even in my uncertainty, there is music... there is always music.  And as I wrote that last sentence, I'm reminded of one of my favorite Sara Groves lines,

oh, Tell me what you know 
About God and the world and the human soul 
How so much can go wrong 
and still there are songs 

Yes, there are still songs.  And that is where I find myself - in the comfort of a song.  Sometimes the comfort comes in the old, familiar song that meets you like a fleece blanket and a hot cup of tea... much like a Joni Mitchell album: a dear, old friend that is often overlooked or even forgotten about - but once you give that sister a fresh spin on the record player - whoo-ee, you're a new woman because Joni gets you.  She gets me.

Or sometimes, the comfort comes in that new song that you just can't stop playing over and over again... it resonates so deeply within your soul, and no matter what you do, you just can't get enough of it.  You roll down all the windows in your car and let that evening summer breeze carry the notes beyond your four doors because, like the song, your joy cannot be contained - much like Coldplay's Viva la Vida album that debuted this past summer.  Dude, it spoke to me.  And it still does when I need to call on it.  It got me through one of the scariest/loneliest times while I was seriously lost and alone in Europe this past summer.  When I was all by myself in Frankfurt, listening to the title track (thankfully that one song had been pre-released on itunes before I left for my Euro adventure) was quite literally my sanity.  And now I can see how that scary, lonely feeling while traveling from Frankfurt to Stockholm was actually a precursor to what I would feel and experience for much longer than one day once I moved to Riverside.  And so, the summer anthem of Viva la Vida along with the rest of the tracks on the album have been a buoy for me in this unfamiliar season and place that is called Riverside.

The comfort of a song speaks what words cannot.  It just does.  That is one thing I know for sure.

And that is why I write today -- because there's a dear, old friend that can describe the season that I find myself in right now.  Deb Talan's song The Darkest Season (from her Something Burning album)  hit me the other night.  And thank goodness that it did.  It's funny how songs and seasons come full circle sometimes.  Because this same song and same album is what got me through my first semester of college - exactly four years ago, at a time when I felt unsure about most things in an unfamiliar season and place that is called Loma.  So many of the same prayers that I have offered up in the past two months are the same prayers that I was offering up four years ago - in a different place, a different season, and even a different woman, but still some of the same prayers.  One of my dearest friends, Lizzy, introduced me to Deb because of my notorious neon-blue raincoat (there's a lil' story that goes with the raincoat - ask me about it sometime).  And once I met Deb, it was like she got me.  And all of the friends that have been introduced to Deb since that time, agree most heartily: she gets us.  And now, exactly four years later, this now old, familiar friend will continue to journey with me, and her music will speak what words cannot.  

Here's the comfort I find in The Darkest Season... read these bit o' lyrics (spliced from the entire song) over more than just once... let them sink in somewhere...  better yet, listen to the actual song for the real experience.

the last few

golden leaves

are clinging

tightly

to their branches

like they don't

want to let go

like they don't

trust

what they don't know

what they don't know

cause it's not quite winter,

and it's not quite fall...

...i just feel the empty space

i just feel the wind blow through...

and it's not quite winter,

and it's not quite fall...

...my heart can't feel the reason

why must we enter the darkest season?

Lyrics like that really shouldn't have any follow-up.  They can stand alone just fine.  I shouldn't even be writing this sentence.  But I guess I feel some need to go on.... The glimpses of the actual seasons of the earth so often echo and depict the season that I find myself in, and I find such solace in this cycle of nature... This cycle is often one of 'this too shall pass', but while in the current season, whatever the season may be, my desire and my prayer has always been to look to the lessons that the current season holds... the questions and the truths -- to fully immerse myself in the season at hand.

I often glean much wisdom and insight from the sides of Celestial Seasons tea boxes (shout out to Boulder peeps).  Yes, I am one of those people who does love and even look for the sayings and stories they print on the tea boxes.  Call me sappy if you must - I can handle the truth on this one.  When I finished up my box of Sleepy Time tea a few nights ago, I was quite taken with this thought:

"Live in each season as it passes; 

breathe the air, 

drink the drink, 

taste the fruit, 

and resign yourself to the influences of each."

-- Henry David Thoreau

Just like those leaves that don't trust what they don't yet know, they eventually must resign themselves to the present season... to embrace even the unfamiliar, the unknown, and the uncertainty that is at hand.

Here in R-side...  it's not quite winter, and it's not quite fall...