I have so many dreams, so many ambitions, but even with those, I'm asking, "Where do I go from here...?" These three weeks in San Diego have been such a gift -- space for both reflecting and asking hard questions while processing with people that I love and respect so much. And while the world suddenly seems so open to me now that everything in Riverside has dissolved, I still am mourning all that has transpired in the past few months.
Mostly, even while I am in a season of grieving and introspection, I want to live fully in the moment -- again, to embrace what is present... to not let life pass me by. And while I have months suddenly at my disposal, I want to take advantage of them... to travel, to explore, to try something new, to be shaped by something unfamiliar -- to have another adventure. And as much as it is hurting to be leaving not only San Diego now, but the state of California altogether (that is just crazy), I think I am walking forward, making the best decision in the midst of crazy and unexpected circumstances, and taking advantage of some time to be immersed in the blanket of a Colorado winter.
A friend recently told me, "The world is your oyster right now." And, I like that, a lot. I think that same sentiment can be found in these lyrics from the piano man. And, since I am exploring the possibility of serving as an Au Pair in Europe, who knows, maybe Vienna really is waiting for me? : ) (Austria is one of countries that I've been seriously considering.) As, I listened to this song last night, after saying goodbye to such treasured friends, not knowing when or where we'll see each other again (this is killing me!), I was comforted to know that: life is still there to be seized - in every season, in every place, and that, my friend, is the kind of person I want to be. "When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?"
Oddly enough, this song confirmed that I made the right decision to be in Colorado for the month of December, as well as again confirming that I made the right decision to be in San Diego during this month. Today, it's still so difficult to be leaving San Diego, a city that is full of so many people and places that I absolutely love... that have become home to me for the past five years... but Billy's helping me get through today. Sing us a song.
Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you
Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right (you're right)
You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you
Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you.
And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you
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