pale september.

my oh my.

how on earth is it september already?
to where has the time gone?

i'm a bit sad to see summer and sun and heat being ushered away.

"the embers of the summer lost their breath and disappeared..."
-- pale september, fiona apple

but anyone who knows me, knows i relish in the changing of seasons.
and i especially love the start of autumn.
it is nearing. i feel its presence.
like fiona, apple that is, i'm excited about a pale september.
i'm eager to discover what lessons and new growth will come.

afterall, there's still growth in the fall;
it just looks different than the spring and summer.
time is ordered differently in the autumn months.
and i'm so ready for new rhythms to take root in my life.

pale september, i wore the time like a dress that year
the autumn days swung soft around me, like cotton on my skin...
-- pale september, fiona apple

mmm-hmmm.
it's prose like these that get me extra excited about this time of year.
.happy to enter into a new season.

the whites of their eyes.

there's this revolutionary war quote about 'not shooting until you can see the whites of their eyes.' know the one i'm talking about? well i recently heard a much better take on that idea. except i don't know the exact phrasing, and i've been waiting to write some sort of post on here about it, and i don't want to botch it up. but here it goes anyway.

while visiting san diego last week, my dear friend and one of my mentors from loma, syl, shared this quote with me. we had a heart-to-heart chat, an absolutely life-giving conversation, over con pane sandwiches. --> which i boldly stand by the claim that thier veggie cobb is my favorite sandwich (specifically in the category of cold eats) in the entire world [avocados, roasted roma tomatoes, gorgonzola cheese, bean sprouts, red onions, romaine lettuce, and yummy spread on either rosemary or whole wheat bread]. um, yum. it's to die for. i'm not exaggerating when i say it's my favorite cold sandwich in the whole wide world. if you're ever in san diego, pleeease try it.

but, back to the quote. syl told me something she had recently heard from one of her friends, and it has continued to resonate with me... i just don't remember how to phrase it properly and accurately. the gist of it is this:

we need people in our lives both who know us and who can see the whites of our eyes.

amen and amen. ...except that it was phrased much more eloquently than that. i will try to update this once i have the whole thought spelled out a little more richer. the principle of the idea is still there though.

as i travel through different states, visiting friends and family (and friends who really should just be called 'family'), i am reminded of how true this concept really is... i am very thankful for my life in the büs, but living so far from all of the people that i love can take its toll. skype is a wonderful invention, but i don't think we can really see the whites of one another's eyes through technology. we need people whom we are actively journeying with who will know when we are hurting because they can see it in our eyes. in person. that has largely been the gift of my six-week break in the states: being with people who know me, who get me, who can see where i am at, and how i am really doing, based on the whites of my eyes.

is this echoing with anyone else? because i think it largely defines true community and what the church is to be. to and with one another. sharing life.

so as i have been with family and friends in colorado, california, idaho, minneapolis, and soon on to wisconsin, all i have is gratitude. your hospitality, authenticity, and your willingness to both open your homes and your lives speaks of real sharing and real love. it is a gift, a true gift, to be able to really see the whites of your eyes. thank you for seeing mine as well.

-------------
an amendment to this post:

my aforementioned friend and mentor, sylvia cortez, had this fuller and richer statement to add when i asked her to remind me how this idea was spelled out...

"We all need people in our lives that we can go to when we are really struggling, when we need to process, or when we are not doing well. These people need to be friends whom we can trust, who won't be judgmental, or advice givers necessarily, but who will simply listen to us and who know us in deep ways. Given the transitory nature in most people these days, many of us have these kinds of friendships with people who live in different parts of the country or world even...not necessarily in our own community. However, it's essential that we have a person or two within our community -- we need to be in relationship with people whom we actually see on a regular basis -- people who can see the whites of our eyes and because they know us well, are able to know, before we even tell them, that something is going on, that we need to talk, or that we need their presence."

amen and amen. so be it. that is my desire for life... that wherever i may be, there too will be such friendships.

that is good stuff syl. thank you for your words, and thank you for your presence in my life. thank you that even though we live on different continents, when we are back together, it is so rich....

...there is a real sharing.
and seeing.
and being.

always learning this one.

less.
really.
is.
more.

and.that.is.easier.said.than.done.
but.i'm.still.trying.

food for thought. pun intended.

today i woke up at 6:30am with no alarm. but this is actually an improvement from waking up at 4:30am yesterday and 5:00am the day before. oh the joys of jet-lag. actually, i kinda' like jet lag at this time of day when i feel super energized in the wee morning hours; my dad is already off to work, but the rest of the house is still asleep...

once i'm awake, it's hard for me to go back to sleep, so yesterday i enjoyed a colorado sunrise with my favorite morning treat: vanilla soy milk and 'special k fruit & yogurt'. the simple pleasures of life. today i warmed up (colorado has been rainy and cold so far -- not the july i was expecting after leaving the same rain and cold in the büs) to green tea and one of my favorite reads from last summer: 'take this bread' by sara miles. ahhh, so good. after i read a chapter or even just a page or paragraph or single sentence, i have to pause and reflect. her story woven into the greater story of sacrament and action gets me excited about life. about calling. about people. about food. about bodies. about sharing. about learning. about faith.

there are too many excerpts i would choose to include in this post, but here's one to savor for now, from the prologue (xv-xvi):

"...at the heart of Christianity is a power that continues to speak to and transform us. As I found to my surprise and alarm, it could speak even to me: not in the sappy, Jesus-and-cookies tone of mild-mannered liberal Christianity, or the blustering, blaming hellfire of the religious right. What I heard, and continue to hear, is a voice that can crack religious and political convictions open, that advocates for the least qualified, least official, least likely, that upsets established order and makes a joke of certainty. It proclaims against reason that the hungry will be fed, that those cast down will be raised up, and that all things, including my own failures, are being made new. It offers food without exception to the worthy and unworthy, the screwed-up and pious, and then commands everyone to do the same. It doesn't promise to solve or erase suffering but to transform it, pledging that by loving one another, even through pain, we will find more life. And it insists that by opening ourselves to strangers, the despised or frightening or unintelligible other, we will see more and more of the holy, since, without exception, all people are one body: God's.

This theology isn't mine alone. It comes from conversation with other believers, tradition, and Scripture; books and prayer and liturgy. It comes, even more, from my years outside church: from unbelieving and unbelievers, from doubt, from questions that still echo unanswered for me. Faith, for me, isn't an argument, a catechism, a philosophical "proof." It is instead a lens, a way of experiencing life, and a willingness to act."

whew. such good stuff. i affirm so much of this. i want to eat it up. and i presently am. miles' book centers on Eucharist: on food as gift. thanksgiving. of broken bread and poured wine. after walking into a church and joining in communion, miles' own life became embedded in the breaking of bread as well as the sharing of bread with her neighbor. in her mind and experience, the elements were inextricably linked to feeding people. She writes,

"The mysterious sacrament turned out to be not a symbolic wafer at all but actual food--indeed, the bread of life. In that shocking moment of communion, filled with a deep desire to reach for and become a part of a body, I realized that what I'd been doing with my life all along was what I was meant to do: feed people," (prologue, xi).

along the same thought-track, i've been researching everything i can about the 1987 danish film babettes gæstebud (known as babette's feast to english speakers). while enjoying npr in the car on tuesday, i caught a story titled food on film: the famished and the feasts. npr describes this film by saying,

"It's a French cook's extravagant "thank you" to a tiny church congregation that has sheltered her as a refugee in frigid Denmark for years. The problem is, the elderly congregation believes in self-denial — believes that pleasure must be reserved for the hereafter. So while they agree to eat the meal so as not to hurt Babette's feelings, they vow to each other that they will not enjoy the meal, or even talk about it.

This is much to the astonishment of a visitor, who can't believe what he's tasting — genuine turtle soup, great wine, and all around him, the congregation is silent. From the embarrassment in their expressions it's clear the others, despite their best efforts, are enjoying the meal, but no one in the congregation will admit it...."

... it's "all tied up in the spiritual: food as a gift, specifically Eucharistic in nature, for a religious community that has denied itself pleasure for decades.

And it is transformative: old loves are rekindled, long-simmering feuds are forgotten, redemption has a seat at the table."

npr says 'fabulous' and i agree. so has anyone seen babette's feast? tell me if you have. i can't wait to watch it soon and to keep thinking about food and the sharing of it as well as the savoring of it... with it all wrapped up in gift, gift, gift.

party like it's 2100.

i fell in love with travis wall in season 2 of sytycd.
and i've been so happy to see him as a choreographer now.
so.happy.
i love his non-verbal response to ellen's costuming comments.
classic.
and i love the dance too. the song really drives it.
mia's right; travis does have it going on.

.reflecting on six months' time.

'my heart is just getting used to the idea of mercy...'

-- aaron strumpel

'Thy mercy my God is the theme of my song
the joy of my heart, and the boast of my tongue
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last
hath won my affection and bound my soul fast...'

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

'Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
which wonders to feel its own hardness depart
dissolved by Thy goodness, i fall to the ground
and weep for the praise of the mercy i've found...'

-- john stocker (published in 1776)

'i do not at all understand the mystery of grace -
only that it meets us where we are but
does not leave us where it found us.'

-- anne lamott (from traveling mercies)

wait, do you live in germany or switzerland?

the answer would be both.

are you scratching your head over that one?
believe me, i've tried my best to understand this conundrum
in the past six months that i've called 'the büs' home sweet home.
just read the wiki description about büsingen here.
it explains it way better than any of my attempts.
although the fotos are helpful as well.

die schweiz.
dann büsingen in die mitte mit trauben (grapes).
und deutschland.
so.happy.together.
and who whadda' thunk?

for now, i am taking a six-week break from the büs.
a vaca' from europa as well.
here they call this a 'holiday'.
which is actually a much better term.
the focus then is not on what i'm vacating,
but rather on where i'm journeying to...
which would be the states.

the büs wishes all travelers a 'gute fahrt.'
go ahead, laugh it up. at least giggle.
definitely one of the funnier deutsch phrases.
it means a good drive. a good ride. a good journey even.
all.of.the.above.
and everyone's heard 'auf wiedersehen', right?
but this phrase, too, is much richer than simply 'goodbye.'
it literally means, 'until we see again.'
now isn't that nice?

[notice how the german flag is surrounded by the swiss flag... real clever design.]

dear lil' village,
thanks for letting me live in two countries.
simultaneously.
i've carved out somewhat of a life here.
which i'm very grateful for.
and although you've gotten under my skin,
i'm still ready for holiday.
but don't worry --
i'll.be.seeing.you.
soon.
auf wiedersehen.

deine (yours),
marte